I can feel the sadness grip me
literally feeling like hands wrapping around my chest
claws tearing into my flesh
splitting me in two until I can no longer keep the tears in
only a quick gasp escapes with the initial burst
silently then they pour forth
mutedly they continue to burn down my face falling onto my heaving chest
I struggle to catch my breath
as quickly as the intense melancholy is brought on
it leaves me; tear streaked and alone
so confused
still morose
finally able to breathe
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|9:12 p.m.|
Fate is cruel; she's heartless
The lessons were to have been learned
it was so much so fast..
I should've known better,
than to accept it,
than to trust it to stay.
I know better, I do
I just didn't want to know.
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|6:24 p.m.|
When the memories are ripping you apart
When the pain is insufferable
When the thoughts of what was turn to nightmares
Depriving you of peace at night
Keeping you desperate to be awake
Is it really better to have loved and lost?
Prove it when every night is torture
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|9:00 p.m.|
the chords of music you can't hear soundtrack to my world melodies to sooth both rage and sorrow music that changes for each encounter... achingly sad exceedingly joyful the power of unheard sounds perhaps it plays silently across the eyes
if only I could share such beautiful harmonies let everyone listen so they may know if the world truly sounded so... what would I learn to hear the music of those around me
strains of notes fill my mind's ears background to dreams and fantasies secrets for me alone impishly I adore the silent music
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|7:41 p.m.|
I give up never thought it would come to this life has beaten me and I give
how long should I have to wait? to know that which I seek? to stop knowing, in Excruciating detail, all that I know now? seems so long already
there's a point when you can't a breaking point and I've passed mine long ago kept going kept searching with the blind faith of a woman possessed Desperate to find what I thought should exist for me
never thought life would win always assumed I'd make it be Stronger for all that I've passed
I give up never thought it would come to this life has beaten me and I give Mercy
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|7:35 p.m.|
Can't seem to sleep Suppose I'll cry instead feel my stomach knot forhead wrinkle Lips curl
Pick a thought, so many to choose from like a flea market of damaged goods laid out on display for perusal Any one will do, always more if the choice just won't work
Feel the burn and swell First tear on my cheek so many more to follow Letting them out as I pick through the crowd at the table who will get the best of the bunch? What options do I have?
Cry softly until there's nothing left Or until the descent into sorrowful slumber whichever comes first
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|1:05 a.m.|
it's not worth it not worth the tears, frustration, and sadness a person is whole alone a heart beats by its own accord
it's not worth the drop after so much hope the crashes, the falls always so hard on the soul
the mind plays games the heart pays the admission there is nothing to gain only regret at having gone down the path again
to have never yearned for another's heart is to have never cried because of denial is to have never burned because of withdrawal
can't imagine anything is worth all this the rise and falls the cries, the tears unsure of ones own perceptions and judgements the battering after another realization that you aren't enough
just isn't worth all this
...etching my old fears; into new awareness...|1:00 a.m.|
