Can't seem to sleep
Suppose I'll cry instead
feel my stomach knot
forhead wrinkle
Lips curl
Pick a thought, so many to choose from
like a flea market of damaged goods
laid out on display for perusal
Any one will do,
always more if the choice just won't work
Feel the burn and swell
First tear on my cheek
so many more to follow
Letting them out as I pick through the crowd at the table
who will get the best of the bunch?
What options do I have?
Cry softly until there's nothing left
Or until the descent into sorrowful slumber
whichever comes first
it's not worth it
not worth the tears, frustration, and sadness
a person is whole alone
a heart beats by its own accord
it's not worth the drop after so much hope
the crashes, the falls
always so hard on the soul
the mind plays games
the heart pays the admission
there is nothing to gain
only regret at having gone down the path again
to have never yearned for another's heart
is to have never cried because of denial
is to have never burned because of withdrawal
can't imagine anything is worth all this
the rise and falls
the cries, the tears
unsure of ones own perceptions and judgements
the battering after another realization that you aren't enough
just isn't worth all this
I wasn't built to fall
Despite all appearances
I shatter when I hit bottom
and yet the eyes won't stay
the heart won't heal
the soul can't mend
the mind grasps desperately to logic
emotion pulls at the fingers of reason
destroying their grip
releasing the paranoia
allowing the fears to be free
the tears flow
the heart bleeds
the soul dies
and yet the mind keeps trying to reason...
there is something wrong with me
I feel it deep
undeniably wrong, impossibly ingrained
and I can't stop it
I don't know what else to do
can't feel normal
can't be normal
never quite fit
never quite right
there'll always be something wrong
i'll never more than "fine"
and I'll always be on the cusp of it all
even among those most like me
I stand alone
from the crowd I'm on the edges
never quite in the circle
never entirely ignored
I don't cry in life
So I write instead
A little dark
But its me
Old Words
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