disappointment rakes through my body
aching pulls at my heart
what I want I won't have
what I can see I can't touch
trying to give up
wanting to move on
it's wanting that keeps me here
try not to hurt
can't stop
so difficult
disappointment
Only the best hearts break
kind hearts hurt
if you felt no pain
then you felt no joy
the world is unfair
those who love and trust
get hurt the most
While in pain it's hard to see
that those are the same
that felt true love
and will feel it again
Comfort can be taken from this
a heart can mend.
I just thought of you
it's been a long time
since you've crossed my mind
and yet you can still
make me smile
the half smile you loved so
Now I'm wondering
how you are
if you're still
as you were
kind and funny
always ready with
loving arms
Did you ever find her?
the perfect one for you
the one you wanted me to be
I haven't found him yet
the one I wished you were
To know
When present
When absent
No more questioning
Lack of second guessing
What a skill to posess
And then he walked in. She didn't see him at first, her sight blurred from the tears and her body sore for the events that had just occured. He walked up to her slowly at first but quickened his pace when he saw her eyes. It shocked him. This moment of weakness was foreign for him to see. She was always so strong, always in control.
She caught the look of surprise in his eyes when she finally noticed him. It made her eyes swell up with new tears. It was bad enough that he had once before cast her aside but because of another he was here and is seeing her with all guards impossibly down. With every ounce of strength in her body she pulled herself off of the floor and headed for the door. Her emotions battled within her. Part of her prayed for escape and the other wanted him to catch her.
He knew panic when he saw it. It was obvious and clear on her face. He reached out for her just as she turned away.
"Don't go. Please."
She kept going, shoulders heaving from the pain. With three long strides he was beside her and catching her arm, he turned her to face him.
With her head bowed, "Please. I don't need you to see me right now. Shouldn't you be with someone else? Just go away."
He tried to lift her chin so that he could look at her. She forcefully pulled away from his hand. Pulling free of his grip she took one step back and looked him square in the eyes. He saw it then. The face he couldn't forget and the eyes he'd always know.
He felt it like a shock to the system. He didn't expect to feel like this. He knew in that moment that she had captured him in a way that no one else could ever hope to. Looking into her eyes, silently defiant still wet with her tears. Vulnerable yet so strong. He knew.
She saw his look change and she tried not to feel the change in her heart. Why did he have to look at her like that? Hadn't she suffered enough heartache at his hands?
Resolving to stay strong and keep her distance, she went to turn away. A motion caught her eye and stopped her from running. He had reached his hand out to the void between them, waiting for her to meet him in the middle. With open eyes he looked at her, not saying a word just looking at her and waited. She stared at his out stretched hand. Compelled by what it meant, she gingerly touched his fingers.
Knowing he had to act quickly, he wrapped his hand around hers and pulled her in.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know until today. I came as soon as I could. Oh god, I'm sorry"
He held her strong, not relaxing until he felt her wince. She started to pull away and he held her closer, more tenderly and aware of what must have happened to her. Feeling tears of anger and emotions much stronger start to make their way down his face, he bent to whisper in her ear,
"Please, don't pull away yet. Please. Give me just this moment and if it has to be my last with you, let me a little longer so that I will never forget."
She felt her chest tighten and then she started to cry again. And sunk into his arms and let him hold her. It felt so good to have his arms around her and as familiar as it was, this time it was different. There they stood, for what seemed an eternity. Silently drinking in each other and drawing strength from the sum of who they are.
if i could only see what you do
if you would only feel what i do
would you cry at the levels i hide from you
could you handle all that goes on
would i be able to deal with your view
i don't understand that which you enjoy
don't know if i want to
wishing that you and i could be the same
why can't you look into me like i do you
how is it that you never believe me
cowardice keeps me from revealing the
evidence you need to think it's all real
wonder if you'd release the tears to match mine
if only you saw them released
if only there was a way to show you
without giving up this facade
if only you could see what i see
I don't cry in life
So I write instead
A little dark
But its me
Old Words
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